remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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