how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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