She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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