I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
