Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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