Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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