at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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