The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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