I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
