i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
