Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
