Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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