Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
