i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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