we have pet lesbian snakes
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
