my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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