remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
