I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
