she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize