I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
