i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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