Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
