come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
