Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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