Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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