and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize