I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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