My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
