This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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