So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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