So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize