im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
