Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
