I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
