dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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