I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
