You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
