Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
