If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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