I just saw a hot homeless man
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize