I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
