day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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