Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My cat gives me a boner
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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