Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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