I wannas sexs uuuuu
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
