I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
