Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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