i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
