did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
