come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
