i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
