I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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