My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
