God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize