He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
