OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
May the power of my ass compel you!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize