I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize