I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
