I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
