i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
