Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
