The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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