please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
