WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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