I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
