His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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