hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
