Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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