No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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